Not Just Oprah and Gail

Happy Memorial Day! Hope you are spending it the way that you choose and also give thanks to the people that fight for us and have given their precious lives so that we can have. Anyway my holiday will be quiet i have decided to rest and write. This is a good day to post this blog, something I have been meaning to do for the last week or so. As a writer I observe a lot and tend to analyze almost everything. Recently it has come to my attention that something that I have been observing for awhile now has proven me correct. What I am talking about is the negative stereotype that plagues us black women and how so many black women play into the hype either out of wanting attention or ignorance...I don't know but it seems that the world thinks that we are all alike and that is the way black women are suppose to act. The black ghetto drama queen is so stuck to us that the only women of color thought to have any substance is Oprah and Gail. Well I am here to tell you that they are not the only ones believe me. I started taking notice of this three years ago when one of my best friends Diane and I were in Jamaica. Now I have been to that fabulous country many times and have stayed at that resort everytime and have always had a pleasant experience but this time was a little different, still had a great time but we noticed that we were getting stared at sometimes even gawked at by just about everyone blacks and non-blacks alike. At one point as we were walking by a fellow vacationer who was a white lady made the remark of WOW! and stared at us in amazement at one point I had asked Di if she was aware of this and she was. This went on for the entire trip. Let me give you a few more examples: The next year Di and I were in Cancun, Mexico and the same thing happened we were sneered at by other black women, looked at as odd by the black men and everyone was in awe of us, Di was asked at one point if we were famous. One morning after breakfast we were on our way to go speedboating an older man who looked to be Cuban walked past us and said "keep up the good work ladies" again we were dumbfounded our response was "okay" and a smile. This also has happened when we were here in Baltimore white men want to approach us but don't know how (approach me please!...lol). Last summer while working I was on my way to another store. I just so happened to be driving in a bad neighborhood when out of the blue the police decide to pull me over. I was not speeding nor had I run the red light. It was two young white cops, before I could open my mouth one of them says "now you know you were trying to beat that light" "what?" was my response and as I started to defend myself he immediately became startled and started to stumble over his words after he heard me speak. Him and his partner quickly realized that they had made a mistake and made up some stupid reason for stopping me which was that their was a warrant out for the previous owner of my car and that it had nothing to do with me. How crazy was that? The previous owner was my aunt whom had been deceased for three years and she was eighty two years old when she passed, it wasn't like she was Ma Barker. More recently again I was working and had mad a delivery to an auto shop. The men there apparently had been talking about marriage and asked my opinion and I gave it. Now mind you this was a shop full of nothing but black men and they were shocked. Pleasantly I might add because clearly they were not used to a woman like me, they made the remark to me that I was beautiful, I thanked them and went on my way. Last month another sister friend of mine, Kim and I went to a gospel concert at one of my co-workers church. We missed out on the dinner and went to a restaurant afterwards, while there it happened again. We walked in gave our names for a table, it was going to be a slight wait. Kim went to the restroom and I went to take a seat in the lobby and grab a menu. There was a white family of three waiting and I took a seat across from them and put my attention to the menu...I was starving. I felt someone staring and I looked up and smiled it was the woman who was admiring my suit and she told me so, I thanked her for the compliment and we started a small talk conversation. By that time Kim and the woman's husband joined in we talked about the Baltimore Orioles and Ravens and the weather, soon their table was ready and we wished each other a good evening. Kim then turned to me and said "you know that they were admiring us?" and I responded "no, and why do you say that?" "because when we walked in they looked at us and said WOW." It was at that moment that I started to analyze a little deeper. I already had my own thoughts but wasn't quite sure because I just thought of myself, my friends as regular women and that people are people and they are who they are. The next week I went to a birthday dinner party and took Di with me and low and behold every black female there had own someone else's hair and eyes different from there own. Di and I were the only original beings there. There were diva's in every corner and their mentality was far different from Di's and myself but we had a good time non the less as I said they are who they are. On the way home I shared with Di my thoughts and reminded her of our trips, she agreed. Now I am not trying to judge just making observation and stating the fact that society tend to think of black woman as one and the same and it is far from the truth. It actually makes it bad for those of us who are of a different mentality. But I must admit I feel that I am in the minority because so many  black women are the stereotype I see it everyday. In real life and the television shows that cater to the black public shows like Love and Hip Hop, Atlanta Housewives, and on and on. I asked one young lady how can you watch something so irritating and ignorant, doesn't it get on your nerves? Oh Miss Andrea it's just entertainment was the response. I get that but if you find that entertainment what is going on in your mind? Now I love my televisions shows I am a Scandal fanatic a gladiator to the core Kerry Washington is beautiful and delightful and Tony Goldwyn leaves me breathless and a bit moist who says that white men don't have swag? OMG. And yes it is full of scandal but it is something that opens up for discussion and brain teasers not to mention that you can understand what the character's are talking about and you don't here women being called bitches and hoe's in every other word. But mention that show, Grey's Anatomy, Modern Family, New Girl, Mike and Molly and they look at as if you have two heads. That reminds me of another example that happened last weekend. Kim and I went to the mall and stopped to have an early dinner at Friday's we were not dressed up just tee shirts jeans and sweat suits and of course our own hair. There as we were being escorted to our table was a family which included two young black women with someone else's hair well if looks could kill we would have been dead not to mention the look that one shot us over her shoulder when we were talking I guess she didn't recognize English. And the look that two older women gave us as we were leaving was priceless. Also I can't tell you how many times I have had to explain that the book that I am writing is not urban lit. I do not read it so therefore I am not going to write it is not my thing. As a matter of fact I have tried to read it at one point when someone suggested a good read but I could not do it, it gave me a headache. Anyway let me end here I just wanted to get this off of my chest and to say that please do not put us all in one apple crate take us as the individual's that we are.

Until next time drea D.

Guilty by Whom you Know

I have said that I would not post blogs that were not uplifting and positive but in reality life is not always uplifting and positive. Three days ago my world was turned upside down and my peace broken. In the early morning hours of May 2nd before the light of morning had made its appearance the Baltimore County police broke into my home and burst through my bedroom door with me standing naked and just able to put my robe barely around me. They came looking for my son whom was not at home. They handcuffed me and made me sit in the living room in the middle of the sofa while they tore my apartment apart  only to come up with nothing but two cell phones (one mine, one my son's) a bag of white talc powder that I had given my son sometime ago because i could not use it it irritated me and two other household items that we all have. My son whom was coming home when he saw the commotion drove to an area near the apartment where he could survey the scene left his car there and walked home. He came in calm and they promptly arrested him my heart broke. He looked at me sitting there handcuffed and the look on his face I just can't put into words but he was hurt and so was I. I asked him where were they taking him and they told me right down the street.We live on the same block as the police department. After going through safes, closets, luggage, in between and underneath beds, searching containers of coffee, flour, and sugar they were gone. I sat numb unable to move for what seemed like hours and then I jumped up and paced every room over and over again trying to figure out what to do first I have never been through anything like this in my entire life. I set about finding contacts my brother, my son's friends, thinking about how I was going to get bail money and who from. I jumped in my car without even putting a speck of water on my body and did what any mother in this situation would do, getting my son home. I lived on cigarettes even though I am in the process of quitting they were the only things that could calm my nerves so that I could think. I had no appetite for food just nicotine. After alerting my son's two best friends, we worked together to do what needed to be done. After spending most of the day not hearing anything and by the time I had located my brother whom wasted know time getting to the apartment my son called. His only concern was how was I, he told me that he was fine and that it had nothing to do with him and not to get bail money which had been set at $50,000 that he would be getting out on his own merits after the next day's bail review. He told me to stop freaking out and talk to my brother and everything was going to be all right. After my brother made sure my patio doors, windows, and my front door was properly secured so that I could get some much needed rest he left with the knowledge that he would be picking my son up from the detention center. I went into my room and laid on top of an unmade bed with just my pillow and blanket, I was able to sleep. I got up the next morning still feeling uneasy but slightly better because I had heard from my son and I believed in what he told me only because I know that he is an upstanding guy I was able to go to work and complete my day. After I came home my son was here with my brother and my year old niece. I had never been so glad to see him and all of that child gets on parents nerves went out the window, my son was home and he was okay. Now I don't know what the future holds in this matter but what I do know is that this happened for a reason and I feel certain the reason is going to lead to all things good. I am continuing working on my first novel and he is back working on his music but maybe this was something to draw us closer as mother and son but whatever the reason I know that I never want my family to go through anything like this ever again, hell I still haven't found my tv remote...lol.
Till next ...drea D

100%

"Well they said they wanted equal rights." That is what some old fart said to me, while I struggled to bring in two heavy  truck rotors that I was delivering to his shop. He made that statement because I was seeking some help and I was a woman delivering heavy auto parts that he didn't want to help me with. He reminded me of a backwoods jack ass from the movie Deliverance. I responded to him that I did not make that decision that it was made for me. I went back to my car and after calling him every foul name that I could think of I smiled to myself and became more at peace with something that I had been feeling for a quite awhile...and that is I am ready to be taken care of 100%.

I have always said that when I started this crappy survival job that it took up too much of my time. Time that I could be devoting to working on my dream and my destiny, I would love nothing more than to stay at home and write. When I was able to do it all was right with the world. I would get up in the morning as if getting ready for work I would make my coffee and my breakfast and still in my pajamas go to the dining room table  and start working on my book or I would go to my corner spot on the sofa with my notebook and write out my next chapter. I was in heaven. But I took it for granted and the Universe had to bring me back down to earth. I can say that I have learned my lesson, I have humbled  myself.

Now back to this 100% I started talking to several of my sista friends about my want and need and to my surprise they all gave a resounding "girl you have never lied, me too." We all agreed that at this point in our lives we have paid some dues. We have slayed the beast brought it home prepared it fed it to family, raised our children (whom all became ungrateful adults...they are the entitlement generation) been partners to our men, have gone through bad relationships and some of us have gone through a divorce or two bottom line we are ready to exhale. No I don't mean going back to the Ward and June Cleaver days "Oh! Ward I have kept your house, cooked your food, washed your clothes, and been the perfect mother to Wally and the Beav and now I am asking what do I do now since I don't have a brain of my own or should I say not allowed to use it." What I mean is someone who is supportive and understanding and who has your back 100%. That person who wants you to reach your dreams and goals I guess the best way I can say it is, there was a part in a Tyler Perry movie called Diary of a Mad Black Woman and in it Shemar Moore's character told Kimberly Elise's character "all you have to do is wake up in the morning and I'll take care of the rest." That is it for me, that is what I need. I am done with emasculating men I don't have anything to prove I know what I can do on my own and I know who I am. I may have said this in one of my past blogs and i will say it again I am ready to be vulnerable and let a man feel like a man. I think that I am just admitting what a lot of women don't want to admit even though they think about it on a regular basis. I admit it, embrace it, and cherish the thought.  Till next time

drea D.

It's Cool!

Fifty...fifty...fifty. That's me saying that word over and over again trying to get used to saying it and accepting it. Why? well because this fall I will turn 50. Here so soon? This morning while sitting on my bed watching Hulu on my note book it hit me like a thump to the back of my head "damn this is the year" I said out loud to myself and a small sense of panic came over me and I jumped out of bed and stood in front of the mirror with my mouth open and panting "what, what , what" and then the panic was over.

I am almost looking forward to it because I know that the second half of my life is finally going to come full circle, it is time. My life is just beginning and nothing but good things are ahead. I am looking forward to feeling that peace of mind that two of my friends are feeling. Diane who has been my friend  for now over forty years has cleaned house from her difficult son to her lovelorn room mate is gone. And her daughter better not even think of coming back home. She turned 50 this past November and soon after when on a romantic adventure to Italy. Then there is Donna my friend and hair stylist she turned the big 5-0 in October and with both daughters out of the house one who is grown with children the other is in her first year of college. Well her and her husband are taking advantage of being empty nesters they are traveling and their sex life has never been better, they have even opened up the doors if you get my drift.

Yeah life is going to be good. I would have never thought that at this point in my life that I would be a struggling writer without some of the creature comforts that I have been used to all of my life. But I am reinventing myself so that I can live the fulfilling life that is my destiny. I have found my life's purpose not just being a writer but being of help to others when they come to me for advice or a listening ear. I have been told that I am a comfort and a joy. And that lets me know that I am on the right track. With  my team the Balto. Ravens going to the superbowl after twelve years and me going through this season of hardship that is making me reach for a higher level in my life, turning 50 is going to be well what can say but "cool." Till next time.

drea D

GOODY BYE 2012!!!

Good bye 2012 I will not be sad to see you go! Take with you every negative entity that was part of your years tenure. This has been a year of pain, disappointment, hardship, backsliding, heartache and every other bad thing that one can think of. The only thing good about you 2012 is that Obama got re-elected. Other than that you have been a bitch. I am looking forward to 2013, no I don't know what it will bring but I have hope yes hope that the positive will prevail. What the world needs now is love sweet love its the only thing that we can't get enough of.

drea D

Many Thanks

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. A day and a half in the company of good family and friends was enough to remind me that the universe is on my side, giving me what I need to sustain and move forward. I spent almost two days in Harford County, Maryland and on my way to and fro I thought about the fact that even though I may be going through life's shit yet again I know that I could be a lot worse off. I saw various people standing on the side of the road holding the signs of poverty and despair with nothing and nowhere to go, not just for the holiday but nowhere at all. My mind went to my crappy survival job that I know is a temporary situation but it is giving me what I need to maintain while I work on making my dreams come true.  I celebrate the fact that my son is healthy and well and so am I. Yes another Thanksgiving has come and gone. And for reasons only known to myself and the universe, this year more than any other of the past I give many thanks.

drea D

Committed Compaionship

Recently I went out for a girls nite out with one of my oldest and dearest friends. While in route to have drinks at Howl at the Moon Piano Bar, and then strolling over to catch Liam Neeson's new movie Taken 2 one our conversations turned to what else men and relationships (it would'nt be a girls nite out if those two things were not mentioned at least once). Anyway she had told me of a friend of hers recent date debacle and I thought of my own recent situations with the opposite sex and a sense of relief came over me---why? Well because I finally came to peace with a decision that I have made and feel passionate about, it is called Committed Companionship. I felt so empowered with my decision that I blurted out the fact that I do not want to get married again, it is too much hard work, that at this point in my life I am no longer interested in doing, if things can't be eazy breezy then by all means pass me by. My very married best friend took a pause then admitted the truth, "yes, yes it is hard work." I watch my friend and I know what she goes through at forty eight years of age she not only is a working woman but she has to contend with a husband, a ten year old daughter and a dog that she totally can't stand, i do not envy her. Now these are things that most of us women do I have also done the same things raising a family but I was in my twenties when I started and my energy level was at a all time high but now I see the dullness in my friends eyes where there used to be such brightness and light, bottom line she is tired, bone tired. Now don't get me wrong marriage can be a wonderful institution if that is what you want but I do not feel that I have to want to be Mrs. Somebody in order to be a whole person, I am that already all on my own. My thing now is to share this whole person with someone one on one. A compatible open minded man who understands my need to have him live and sleep at his own home, and that I am not washing his clothes nor cooking for him on a regular basis. Or feel the need to check in with him at every possible moment. He will need to understand that I like girlfriend getaways and I expect him to do the same. But I want him to know that he has adventure, respect, wonderful quiet times, support, love and most of all a best friend. Now that to me is all the marriage i need. Committed Companionship may not be for everyone and not all will agree with me but two each his own, whatever works best for you is what you should do as long as it brings you the joy that you seek. Happiness is fleeting but pure joy is much longer lasting. Till next time...drea D