Not Just Oprah and Gail

Happy Memorial Day! Hope you are spending it the way that you choose and also give thanks to the people that fight for us and have given their precious lives so that we can have. Anyway my holiday will be quiet i have decided to rest and write. This is a good day to post this blog, something I have been meaning to do for the last week or so. As a writer I observe a lot and tend to analyze almost everything. Recently it has come to my attention that something that I have been observing for awhile now has proven me correct. What I am talking about is the negative stereotype that plagues us black women and how so many black women play into the hype either out of wanting attention or ignorance...I don't know but it seems that the world thinks that we are all alike and that is the way black women are suppose to act. The black ghetto drama queen is so stuck to us that the only women of color thought to have any substance is Oprah and Gail. Well I am here to tell you that they are not the only ones believe me. I started taking notice of this three years ago when one of my best friends Diane and I were in Jamaica. Now I have been to that fabulous country many times and have stayed at that resort everytime and have always had a pleasant experience but this time was a little different, still had a great time but we noticed that we were getting stared at sometimes even gawked at by just about everyone blacks and non-blacks alike. At one point as we were walking by a fellow vacationer who was a white lady made the remark of WOW! and stared at us in amazement at one point I had asked Di if she was aware of this and she was. This went on for the entire trip. Let me give you a few more examples: The next year Di and I were in Cancun, Mexico and the same thing happened we were sneered at by other black women, looked at as odd by the black men and everyone was in awe of us, Di was asked at one point if we were famous. One morning after breakfast we were on our way to go speedboating an older man who looked to be Cuban walked past us and said "keep up the good work ladies" again we were dumbfounded our response was "okay" and a smile. This also has happened when we were here in Baltimore white men want to approach us but don't know how (approach me please!...lol). Last summer while working I was on my way to another store. I just so happened to be driving in a bad neighborhood when out of the blue the police decide to pull me over. I was not speeding nor had I run the red light. It was two young white cops, before I could open my mouth one of them says "now you know you were trying to beat that light" "what?" was my response and as I started to defend myself he immediately became startled and started to stumble over his words after he heard me speak. Him and his partner quickly realized that they had made a mistake and made up some stupid reason for stopping me which was that their was a warrant out for the previous owner of my car and that it had nothing to do with me. How crazy was that? The previous owner was my aunt whom had been deceased for three years and she was eighty two years old when she passed, it wasn't like she was Ma Barker. More recently again I was working and had mad a delivery to an auto shop. The men there apparently had been talking about marriage and asked my opinion and I gave it. Now mind you this was a shop full of nothing but black men and they were shocked. Pleasantly I might add because clearly they were not used to a woman like me, they made the remark to me that I was beautiful, I thanked them and went on my way. Last month another sister friend of mine, Kim and I went to a gospel concert at one of my co-workers church. We missed out on the dinner and went to a restaurant afterwards, while there it happened again. We walked in gave our names for a table, it was going to be a slight wait. Kim went to the restroom and I went to take a seat in the lobby and grab a menu. There was a white family of three waiting and I took a seat across from them and put my attention to the menu...I was starving. I felt someone staring and I looked up and smiled it was the woman who was admiring my suit and she told me so, I thanked her for the compliment and we started a small talk conversation. By that time Kim and the woman's husband joined in we talked about the Baltimore Orioles and Ravens and the weather, soon their table was ready and we wished each other a good evening. Kim then turned to me and said "you know that they were admiring us?" and I responded "no, and why do you say that?" "because when we walked in they looked at us and said WOW." It was at that moment that I started to analyze a little deeper. I already had my own thoughts but wasn't quite sure because I just thought of myself, my friends as regular women and that people are people and they are who they are. The next week I went to a birthday dinner party and took Di with me and low and behold every black female there had own someone else's hair and eyes different from there own. Di and I were the only original beings there. There were diva's in every corner and their mentality was far different from Di's and myself but we had a good time non the less as I said they are who they are. On the way home I shared with Di my thoughts and reminded her of our trips, she agreed. Now I am not trying to judge just making observation and stating the fact that society tend to think of black woman as one and the same and it is far from the truth. It actually makes it bad for those of us who are of a different mentality. But I must admit I feel that I am in the minority because so many  black women are the stereotype I see it everyday. In real life and the television shows that cater to the black public shows like Love and Hip Hop, Atlanta Housewives, and on and on. I asked one young lady how can you watch something so irritating and ignorant, doesn't it get on your nerves? Oh Miss Andrea it's just entertainment was the response. I get that but if you find that entertainment what is going on in your mind? Now I love my televisions shows I am a Scandal fanatic a gladiator to the core Kerry Washington is beautiful and delightful and Tony Goldwyn leaves me breathless and a bit moist who says that white men don't have swag? OMG. And yes it is full of scandal but it is something that opens up for discussion and brain teasers not to mention that you can understand what the character's are talking about and you don't here women being called bitches and hoe's in every other word. But mention that show, Grey's Anatomy, Modern Family, New Girl, Mike and Molly and they look at as if you have two heads. That reminds me of another example that happened last weekend. Kim and I went to the mall and stopped to have an early dinner at Friday's we were not dressed up just tee shirts jeans and sweat suits and of course our own hair. There as we were being escorted to our table was a family which included two young black women with someone else's hair well if looks could kill we would have been dead not to mention the look that one shot us over her shoulder when we were talking I guess she didn't recognize English. And the look that two older women gave us as we were leaving was priceless. Also I can't tell you how many times I have had to explain that the book that I am writing is not urban lit. I do not read it so therefore I am not going to write it is not my thing. As a matter of fact I have tried to read it at one point when someone suggested a good read but I could not do it, it gave me a headache. Anyway let me end here I just wanted to get this off of my chest and to say that please do not put us all in one apple crate take us as the individual's that we are.

Until next time drea D.

Guilty by Whom you Know

I have said that I would not post blogs that were not uplifting and positive but in reality life is not always uplifting and positive. Three days ago my world was turned upside down and my peace broken. In the early morning hours of May 2nd before the light of morning had made its appearance the Baltimore County police broke into my home and burst through my bedroom door with me standing naked and just able to put my robe barely around me. They came looking for my son whom was not at home. They handcuffed me and made me sit in the living room in the middle of the sofa while they tore my apartment apart  only to come up with nothing but two cell phones (one mine, one my son's) a bag of white talc powder that I had given my son sometime ago because i could not use it it irritated me and two other household items that we all have. My son whom was coming home when he saw the commotion drove to an area near the apartment where he could survey the scene left his car there and walked home. He came in calm and they promptly arrested him my heart broke. He looked at me sitting there handcuffed and the look on his face I just can't put into words but he was hurt and so was I. I asked him where were they taking him and they told me right down the street.We live on the same block as the police department. After going through safes, closets, luggage, in between and underneath beds, searching containers of coffee, flour, and sugar they were gone. I sat numb unable to move for what seemed like hours and then I jumped up and paced every room over and over again trying to figure out what to do first I have never been through anything like this in my entire life. I set about finding contacts my brother, my son's friends, thinking about how I was going to get bail money and who from. I jumped in my car without even putting a speck of water on my body and did what any mother in this situation would do, getting my son home. I lived on cigarettes even though I am in the process of quitting they were the only things that could calm my nerves so that I could think. I had no appetite for food just nicotine. After alerting my son's two best friends, we worked together to do what needed to be done. After spending most of the day not hearing anything and by the time I had located my brother whom wasted know time getting to the apartment my son called. His only concern was how was I, he told me that he was fine and that it had nothing to do with him and not to get bail money which had been set at $50,000 that he would be getting out on his own merits after the next day's bail review. He told me to stop freaking out and talk to my brother and everything was going to be all right. After my brother made sure my patio doors, windows, and my front door was properly secured so that I could get some much needed rest he left with the knowledge that he would be picking my son up from the detention center. I went into my room and laid on top of an unmade bed with just my pillow and blanket, I was able to sleep. I got up the next morning still feeling uneasy but slightly better because I had heard from my son and I believed in what he told me only because I know that he is an upstanding guy I was able to go to work and complete my day. After I came home my son was here with my brother and my year old niece. I had never been so glad to see him and all of that child gets on parents nerves went out the window, my son was home and he was okay. Now I don't know what the future holds in this matter but what I do know is that this happened for a reason and I feel certain the reason is going to lead to all things good. I am continuing working on my first novel and he is back working on his music but maybe this was something to draw us closer as mother and son but whatever the reason I know that I never want my family to go through anything like this ever again, hell I still haven't found my tv remote...lol.
Till next ...drea D