100%

"Well they said they wanted equal rights." That is what some old fart said to me, while I struggled to bring in two heavy  truck rotors that I was delivering to his shop. He made that statement because I was seeking some help and I was a woman delivering heavy auto parts that he didn't want to help me with. He reminded me of a backwoods jack ass from the movie Deliverance. I responded to him that I did not make that decision that it was made for me. I went back to my car and after calling him every foul name that I could think of I smiled to myself and became more at peace with something that I had been feeling for a quite awhile...and that is I am ready to be taken care of 100%.

I have always said that when I started this crappy survival job that it took up too much of my time. Time that I could be devoting to working on my dream and my destiny, I would love nothing more than to stay at home and write. When I was able to do it all was right with the world. I would get up in the morning as if getting ready for work I would make my coffee and my breakfast and still in my pajamas go to the dining room table  and start working on my book or I would go to my corner spot on the sofa with my notebook and write out my next chapter. I was in heaven. But I took it for granted and the Universe had to bring me back down to earth. I can say that I have learned my lesson, I have humbled  myself.

Now back to this 100% I started talking to several of my sista friends about my want and need and to my surprise they all gave a resounding "girl you have never lied, me too." We all agreed that at this point in our lives we have paid some dues. We have slayed the beast brought it home prepared it fed it to family, raised our children (whom all became ungrateful adults...they are the entitlement generation) been partners to our men, have gone through bad relationships and some of us have gone through a divorce or two bottom line we are ready to exhale. No I don't mean going back to the Ward and June Cleaver days "Oh! Ward I have kept your house, cooked your food, washed your clothes, and been the perfect mother to Wally and the Beav and now I am asking what do I do now since I don't have a brain of my own or should I say not allowed to use it." What I mean is someone who is supportive and understanding and who has your back 100%. That person who wants you to reach your dreams and goals I guess the best way I can say it is, there was a part in a Tyler Perry movie called Diary of a Mad Black Woman and in it Shemar Moore's character told Kimberly Elise's character "all you have to do is wake up in the morning and I'll take care of the rest." That is it for me, that is what I need. I am done with emasculating men I don't have anything to prove I know what I can do on my own and I know who I am. I may have said this in one of my past blogs and i will say it again I am ready to be vulnerable and let a man feel like a man. I think that I am just admitting what a lot of women don't want to admit even though they think about it on a regular basis. I admit it, embrace it, and cherish the thought.  Till next time

drea D.

It's Cool!

Fifty...fifty...fifty. That's me saying that word over and over again trying to get used to saying it and accepting it. Why? well because this fall I will turn 50. Here so soon? This morning while sitting on my bed watching Hulu on my note book it hit me like a thump to the back of my head "damn this is the year" I said out loud to myself and a small sense of panic came over me and I jumped out of bed and stood in front of the mirror with my mouth open and panting "what, what , what" and then the panic was over.

I am almost looking forward to it because I know that the second half of my life is finally going to come full circle, it is time. My life is just beginning and nothing but good things are ahead. I am looking forward to feeling that peace of mind that two of my friends are feeling. Diane who has been my friend  for now over forty years has cleaned house from her difficult son to her lovelorn room mate is gone. And her daughter better not even think of coming back home. She turned 50 this past November and soon after when on a romantic adventure to Italy. Then there is Donna my friend and hair stylist she turned the big 5-0 in October and with both daughters out of the house one who is grown with children the other is in her first year of college. Well her and her husband are taking advantage of being empty nesters they are traveling and their sex life has never been better, they have even opened up the doors if you get my drift.

Yeah life is going to be good. I would have never thought that at this point in my life that I would be a struggling writer without some of the creature comforts that I have been used to all of my life. But I am reinventing myself so that I can live the fulfilling life that is my destiny. I have found my life's purpose not just being a writer but being of help to others when they come to me for advice or a listening ear. I have been told that I am a comfort and a joy. And that lets me know that I am on the right track. With  my team the Balto. Ravens going to the superbowl after twelve years and me going through this season of hardship that is making me reach for a higher level in my life, turning 50 is going to be well what can say but "cool." Till next time.

drea D

GOODY BYE 2012!!!

Good bye 2012 I will not be sad to see you go! Take with you every negative entity that was part of your years tenure. This has been a year of pain, disappointment, hardship, backsliding, heartache and every other bad thing that one can think of. The only thing good about you 2012 is that Obama got re-elected. Other than that you have been a bitch. I am looking forward to 2013, no I don't know what it will bring but I have hope yes hope that the positive will prevail. What the world needs now is love sweet love its the only thing that we can't get enough of.

drea D

Many Thanks

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. A day and a half in the company of good family and friends was enough to remind me that the universe is on my side, giving me what I need to sustain and move forward. I spent almost two days in Harford County, Maryland and on my way to and fro I thought about the fact that even though I may be going through life's shit yet again I know that I could be a lot worse off. I saw various people standing on the side of the road holding the signs of poverty and despair with nothing and nowhere to go, not just for the holiday but nowhere at all. My mind went to my crappy survival job that I know is a temporary situation but it is giving me what I need to maintain while I work on making my dreams come true.  I celebrate the fact that my son is healthy and well and so am I. Yes another Thanksgiving has come and gone. And for reasons only known to myself and the universe, this year more than any other of the past I give many thanks.

drea D

Committed Compaionship

Recently I went out for a girls nite out with one of my oldest and dearest friends. While in route to have drinks at Howl at the Moon Piano Bar, and then strolling over to catch Liam Neeson's new movie Taken 2 one our conversations turned to what else men and relationships (it would'nt be a girls nite out if those two things were not mentioned at least once). Anyway she had told me of a friend of hers recent date debacle and I thought of my own recent situations with the opposite sex and a sense of relief came over me---why? Well because I finally came to peace with a decision that I have made and feel passionate about, it is called Committed Companionship. I felt so empowered with my decision that I blurted out the fact that I do not want to get married again, it is too much hard work, that at this point in my life I am no longer interested in doing, if things can't be eazy breezy then by all means pass me by. My very married best friend took a pause then admitted the truth, "yes, yes it is hard work." I watch my friend and I know what she goes through at forty eight years of age she not only is a working woman but she has to contend with a husband, a ten year old daughter and a dog that she totally can't stand, i do not envy her. Now these are things that most of us women do I have also done the same things raising a family but I was in my twenties when I started and my energy level was at a all time high but now I see the dullness in my friends eyes where there used to be such brightness and light, bottom line she is tired, bone tired. Now don't get me wrong marriage can be a wonderful institution if that is what you want but I do not feel that I have to want to be Mrs. Somebody in order to be a whole person, I am that already all on my own. My thing now is to share this whole person with someone one on one. A compatible open minded man who understands my need to have him live and sleep at his own home, and that I am not washing his clothes nor cooking for him on a regular basis. Or feel the need to check in with him at every possible moment. He will need to understand that I like girlfriend getaways and I expect him to do the same. But I want him to know that he has adventure, respect, wonderful quiet times, support, love and most of all a best friend. Now that to me is all the marriage i need. Committed Companionship may not be for everyone and not all will agree with me but two each his own, whatever works best for you is what you should do as long as it brings you the joy that you seek. Happiness is fleeting but pure joy is much longer lasting. Till next time...drea D

Another Year

Hello my fellow readers. It has been awhile since my last post. As a matter fact it has been five months. Life had gotten a hold of me and put me in a bad head space, my blog is about reinvention and fulfillment and what I was going through had left me feeling negative and I did want to bring that energy to my blog. But life is looking better, this past week I celebrated my forty ninth birthday and I'm feeling good. Of course there is some dings and dongs going on like some extra pounds that just won't seem to go away which forces me to upgrade my work out practices, I get up a little slower from the sitting position and my tolerance level for things that don't make since is at an all time low. My adult son gets on my nerves on a regular basis and I walk away from men who come out of there mouths with the same old tired lines. But all and all I am feeling better about things, I feel good and I look good. On my recent journey I realized that the universe had to take a hold  of my life once again and put me back on track. I have had to go back to work, not at my previous job that I hated but to a survival job that keeps me focused on pursuing my dream as a writer. It's motivational, you know sometimes you have to do what you have to do to survive in order to do what it is you were created to do. I'm working hard on my first novel and have set a deadline for having it finished and start the ball rolling. While I have been at this job I have met the wife of an author of four published books and have recently started their own publishing company that I have added to my goto list when I am ready to start the process. I have also met some wonderful people, truly salt of the earth. These folks have had my back in some of my most difficult of times I owe them all a world of gratitude. I have a deeper motivation and my faith is stronger God has truly showed me that I do need him and that he is here for me. I know that he will give me what I need when I need it all I have to do is stay faithful. I am and I will. I have also learned to trust myself more, before I would let self doubt ruin that trust in me but no more. I have stopped having so much fear and I'm using the things that I have learned over the past several years  to stop back sliding. I had thought that I had had the bull by the horns and was ready to move forward, well I was ready to move forward but I still had some kinks to work out with myself. Put it like this God had to reel me in and set me straight. I am so glad that he did. Well no more depressing blogs or thoughts on to more reinvention and fulfillment I's am so ready for the ride. Till next time
Drea D
P.S. It's good to be back.

Family, To Forgive Or Not To Forgive...It Depends.

     My last post was filled with pain and disbelief, I had been wronged. Now ordinarily I would have let this go by now but this has put such an  horrendous glitch in my life that is has put my survival in question. And the thing is I am an innocent party who has become a victim of one mans hurt, fragile ego. What has me spinning the most is that we are family and we were taught the same values and respect for family.
     You know the old saying that family is the one who will stick the knife in you the hardest and the deepest. I have been a listening ear for many of my friends who have been wronged by a family member and each one of them felt the same as I did, utter disbelief. And as time goes on they put it in the back of their minds and forgive and forget for the sake of family...why? Because that is what they have been taught, to let someone slap the shit  out of you and turn the other cheek because you are a better person and they are FAMILY...bullshit.
     Within the last several years I have come to believe that some of those old passive teachings that we were taught growing up does not hold water in today's world. Now I can't blame the parents because that is what they were taught and perhaps they found out later in life like I did that things are not that black and white that the grey area does exist. My family the Boyds always had a motto that we are family and we are all that we have,and we have to love and cherish and be there for one another. And that is how I have always felt about my family, until now.
     Don't get me wrong I am not holding my entire family accountable for one person's actions but when it comes to that forgiving and forgetting crap not this time, not when you maliciously put my life and survival in jeopardy and worse yet will not own up to what you did that is the act of a coward. While I try to repair some of the damage that has been done I can only hope that my family member gets the help he needs so that he can have a peaceful life. I will rebound and I will continue to move forward this will not stop my life's progress but one thing is for sure I will forever keep my distance. Well until next time share the love.

drea D